Short Stuff

Prom night.

Considered by many to be the apex of adolescent memories. A time where innocence is traded away and adulthood is gifted to teenagers wrapped in tuxedos and transported in overpriced limousines. Like many boys his age, Chad Munteanu dreamed of magic occurring on his prom night--and like many boys his age he was greeted with disappointment when that night came. As he waited in his date’s house he felt the judging of her mother’s eyes, the glare of her father as he seemed unsure if Chad was capable of protecting his little girl. Chad, for the most part had been dealing with such discrimination the entirety of his life for a matter he could not control.

Chad, like millions of Americans, happened to be born short.

From the moment he began schooling he was subjected to the countless acts of discrimination modern day American’s tend to ignore out of convenience. Chad‘s mind is riddled with various memories of his ‘vertically challenged’ state and unfortunately they’re very rarely good memories.

“One of the earliest memories I have was when I was about seven years old,” Chad who stands at about five foot five said with his distinct and contrasting deep baritone voice, “My father, who happened to not be height impaired took me to a carnival and I wanted to ride the bumper cars…we waited for thirty minutes before the engineer sneered at my dad and said,” Chad paused as he put on his best ’hill billy’ accent “Sorry, your kid is too small for this one!”

Tragic stories such as the one told by Chad have been sprouting up throughout the United States since it’s inception. This has a large part to do with the fact that there has never been any reputable short person portrayed in the media. The only reliable leading man below 5’9” is Tom Cruise, who routinely wears lifts, married a tall Australian woman, AND is also considered no less than ‘batshit insane’. Other short role models include the trollish Danny Devito or the imperialistic and generic super villain Napoleon Bonaparte. Short people have consistently been chastised for ambition (The Napoleon Complex) and mocked for their lack of athletic prowess by many due to these media perceptions.

Furthermore, it is hard for short men to carve a future for themselves. Living in a constant state of competition for mates with their tall counterparts. Much like how the media has portrayed short males as Napoleonic batshit insane trolls. Truth of the matter is that women do not seek short men. The social struggles one has to go by choosing an inter-height relationship is often enough to ruin said relationship. While many in society have accepted inter-racial couplings and legislation is being fought for today to allow same sex couplings, there has been no struggle for legislation to welcome short marriages and the actual relationships between a short man and a normal sized woman has been characterized as nothing short of awkward.

Let’s go back to the scene at Chad’s date’s house. The mother judging the height impaired young man who had managed to steal her daughters affections, the father trying his best to intimidate the boy in a purple suede tuxedo. As the seventeen year old girl walked down her stairway and she stood next to Chad a look of panic was etched on her face and a look of rage was plastered upon Chad’s. The normal prom night greetings were exchanged, pictures were taken and fixed upon countless computer screens as they made their way through facebook. The two remained silent with their respective expressions remaining on their face until they were alone in the limousine.

“I can take them off if they bother you…”

The words however were empty to young Chad who had endured seventeen years of mocking and was ill prepared to handle it coming from this young lady. He grimaced as if he had just drank an entire gallon of liquid soap and shook his head so quick you’d think he was suffering from Tourettes.

“Keep on the damn heels, it’s fine.”

Chad has a dream that one day, short little boys and tall little girls will be able to go to a dance without having to coordinate shoes or purchase lifts. It is up to the nation to make sure that it does not remain a dream, at least forever.